2. PLAYING WITH FIRE

A frustrated Tiberius enters his office demanding that Thrasyllus chart a horoscope for Livia. He wants to know how much longer he has to put up with her. Sejanus smoothly suggests that the horoscope would make the perfect birthday present. Thrasyllus retreats to interview Livia. Sejanus, being a narc, presents Tiberius with a portfolio containing verbatim conversations of potential conspirators. When Tiberius displays a lack of enthusiasm for additional treason trials, Sejanus selects Silius Sisinna's scathing sentiments. Tiberius makes excuses for the old general, maybe he was a little drunk replaying his war days. Sejanus now plays his ace: the remarks were spoken in the presence of Agrippina. Tiberius goes Agri-spastic. Caligula relieves the tension of moment, by bestowing upon his great uncle a rare illuminated manuscript of the finest porn. As Tiberius and Caligula lose themselves to the erotica, Sejanus looks on in disgusted dissapointment. The royals don't even notice his departure. On his way out Sejanus strong-arms a senator to subpoena Silius on a charge of treason. As the senator uses the "no precedent" excuse to avoid the unpleasantness of prosecuting a war hero, Castor comes along. He insults the sycophantic Sejanus who takes out his repressed rage on the senator, who can no longer refuse the case.

3. SECRET AFFAIR

Castor feuds with his father over Tiberius' scunner of Germanicus and Agrippina, as well as the growing dependence on Sejanus. Tiberius plays patriarch, castigating Castor's carefree cavorting while presenting Sejanus as the paradigm of proactivity. Castor admits that Sejanus is a hard worker, but that if Tiberius thinks that Sejanus is working for anyone other than himself, he's mistaken. Statues of Sejanus are appearing all over the city, miniatures of the one in Pompey's theater. Castor worries that when Tiberius is gone, all of Rome will be subject to Sejanus. Demanding Castor's report on the coastal defenses, a testy Tiberius takes his leave. Castor, placing paperwork on his pappa's desk, comes upon the pornography

Segue to Castor complaining to Livilla about Sejanus' ambition and Tiberius' tawdry tastes. Livilla comforts Castor who can barely keep his eyes open. Daughter Helen enters to say goodnight, Livilla, with no patience for Castor's appreciation of Helen's beauty, makes catty comments about her complexion. Castor compliments Livilla and comes on to her. She suggests Castor needs his sleep. He passes out as soon as his head hits the pillow. Little does he know that as soon as he's asleep Sejanus will be with his wife, exchanging vows of LOOOOVE. 

In a clandestine rendezvous Sejanus nervously beds Livilla, but breaks off his amorous rutting when he hears a noise. She asks what they should do, he says make love for the last time. He claims the risk is too great. She questions his devotion. He says he loves her too much to risk a charge of adultery, hint hint. Livilla, desperate to keep her regular bedtime snack, pledges to kill Castor if Sejanus will supply the poison. Sejanus suggests slowly increasing the doses of the potionand promises to divorce his wife and marry Livilla. The conversation descends to dirty talk: "I'll lock you in a room without any clothes and I'll visit you three or four times a day... You'd like that wouldn't you?" Fade to ....

4. ALL IS NOT RIGHT IN ROME

Claudius encounters Castor & Herod in the forum. For the first time in seven years (at Caligula's pyrotechnics when she told Claudius that if he did'nt have a bucket he should piss on it.) he has heard from his grandmother. Livia has sent Claudius an invitation to her b-day bash. He is decidedly nervous and must now find a suitable present. Castor snidely recommends a bust in a nearby stall- it's the Pompey theater Sejanus. When Herod offers to buy one for Claudius, he declines and chides him for being so obvious. Some friendly banter ensues. Herod agrees with Claudius that Castor is not looking well. As Castor shrugs it off, they encounter Silius Sissena surrounded by armed guards. Varro, explaining that he is prosecuting C. Silius in the senate for treasonous remarks, gruffly orders Castor to stand aside. "I'm on state business and may not be interefered with even by the emperor's son." Forward march.

As Tiberius (whose skin is not what it should be) offers a peacock sacrifice to the deified Augustus, he sincerely prays for imperial guidance and for peace. "Hypocrite, HYPOCRITE!" Agrippina shrilly breaks the solemn moment.  She says he dishonors Augustus by persecuting his grandchildren. Tiberius points out that Augustus had set a precedent for persecuting his posterity. Agrippina states the obvious, "I don't mean my brother, I mean ME, ME, ME.- and all my friends too. Tiberius slings at her his favorite Agrippina-sucks-quote, "And if you are not queen my dear, have I done you wrong " She accuses him of childish behaviour. "YOU PERSECUTE ME!" When he legalisticly explains why Silius Sissena has been charged with treason, Agrippina takes a softer tack. She tries to bond with him- maybe they do each other wrong in their suspicions. She too wants peace. She begs if then not to her, that he be good to her children. His reply is chilling, "As to your children they are guiltless of any crime, I will look upon them as friends, as for you I will never forget what you made me do to Piso. Camera pan to Sejanus who has taken in the whole scene.

5. BIRTHDAY SURPRISE

After a long and formal introduction, Claudius clumsily presents Livia with an Indian vase for her birthday. Livia, delighted by the present, regrets that Rome didn't expand that far and laments the loss of fine cheap merchandise. Claudius then takes his life into his own hands by repeatedly quaffing kylix after kylix in a polite gesture of confidence. When he comments on Livia's lovely presents, she tells him about her favorite- a personal Thrasyllian horoscope courtesy of Tiberius. Of course she knows the real reason he commissioned it- but it was thoughtful nonetheless. She shall die soon, within the next year. Thrasyllus nervously assures her that he could be wrong. After she dissmisses the astrologer, she turns her acid charm on Caligula. "What are you grinning about, Monster?" She continues to taunt Caligula, sprinkling little droplets of Caligula's secret past in Claudius' clueless presence. When Caligula questions the wisdom of revealing his deep dark secret to Uncle Claudius, Livia reasures him by insulting both of her guests. Claudius, is such an old fashioned phenom- he will keep his oath to protect his brother's children, even if one of them is a parricide. It has been prophesied that Claudius will one day avenge Caligula's death, so even if Caligula finds him completely useless he can not do away with him. Caligula, not finding that prophecy much to his liking, takes his leave. But not before he locks lips with Livia and gives her the great-granny-grope. Her body fascinates him because it's so old. A befuddled Claudius asks Livia why she allows such familiarity. She explains that it pleases him and that Caligula will be the next emperor.  Claudius is less than convinced- what about Castor and Caligula's older brothers? The horoscope says that Castor will not recover from his illness and that Tiberius will choose Caligula. Why? Vanity- he wants to be loved and that's the best way to insure it. Claudius astutely concedes that the sucky successor scenario works every time. Livia thinks Tiberius the biggest fool in the Claudian clan but has re-evaluated Claudius' idiocy. Claudius, amazingly stutterless, grills Livia about her intentions- why was he invited, why does she keep in with Caligula since by the time he's emperor she'll be dead. "Don't you see Claudius I want to be a goddess." She admits to a past stained with kindred blood, that will force her into the firey Phlegethon for all eternity. Gods are free from any fear of punishment. All of Livia's wicked deeds were for the good of Rome. By removing Augustus' heirs one by one, she saved the state from civil war and the throne for her son. That's why she puts up with Caligula- he's sworn to make her a goddess when he becomes emperor. The historian in Claudius gets the better of him. He begs her to tell him the truth, in exchange for a deification deal. Agreeing to this "small condition", she confesses to each assassination in detail. Claudius, shocked, presses her futher- did she murder her son Drusus and grandson Germanicus? No, but she had marked them both down for death- they were both infected with Infantile Republicanism. Claudius claims he suffers from the same symptoms. Livia then admits to her most heinous act- the murder of Augustus. Exhausted by the interrogation, Livia dismisses Claudius by giving him some sybilline scrolls rejected because they predict that he will become emperor. He chokes on his own laughter.  She reminds him to keep his promise when he's emperor. Realing from intoxication and the absurdity of the oracle, he retorts that if he could be emperor, she can certainly become the Queen of Heaven. Exiting, he promptly falls down the stairs.